A narrow escape...

Phew! That was a close one...

I almost caught myself thinking that maybe I would enjoy classroom teaching as a career (the beginning of this week was great) --- and then today happened.

It wasn't too bad as far as days go, just one of those, "No. No way. Absolutely not. Never again. The children are better off without me," kind of days.

Each time progress reports go out, I find myself strattling a fence - and it's a very, very, uncomfortable one. On one side of the fence, I'm failing too many students; on the other, I'm passing too many. I spent an hour in a meeting putting my 12+ students who are failing (with very generous daily grades on my part) on Tier 3 Interventions with the Principal, Asst. Principal, and Intervention staff all shaking their heads at me. During the meeting, my principal tells me my daily grades should not be counted so much on effort, but on accuracy, and be better reflective of assessment scores. Legit. But to me, and from what I've heard, to other teachers, the only way to get more students to pass in terms of daily and test grades is to walk them through any independent practice activity and guide them on assessments. So much for data.

Now, I have no intention of helping my students on any test I give, but my failing students will have to receive incredible grades for the rest of the year to have any chance of recovering from those they've received thus far. Regardless of what growth they've shown. For example, I have a couple of students who have made leaps and bounds in terms of number sense and conceptual understanding of basic operations. Little of this growth exhibits itself in grade-level assessments, because even if they now understand that 17 is greater than 15, they can't multiply it by 83 yet. Even if they've learned that addition and multiplication put things together and division and subtraction take them apart (a concept completely lost to them earlier this year), they aren't yet masters at constructing function tables. Who cares that you're working hard and learning content you were supposed to learn between grades K through 3? You're already 10 and you can't do algebra?! FAIL.

Did I mention grades suck? Grades suck.

On the up side, my school is making changes to our intervention schedule. Rather than pulling kids from class, we're going to keep them in the classroom. (What?! Imprisoning struggling students in a place of learning? How cruel!... Sorry, feeling sardonic today.) During my centers with Mrs. W's class, I'll have an interventionist leading a center with my Tier 3 kids. Meanwhile, I get to work with my other 6 students seriously struggling in class. Plus, this woman's tough as nails. I might actually get to teach. PERFECT. Then, a few days a week with my homeroom, I'll have the inclusion teacher working in a group with students from Exceptional Ed. and a couple of Tier 3 students while I work with my other low-performing students. Again, LOVE IT.

We may take a while to reach a logical conclusion at school, but once we do we dive in head first. :)

As soon as we take a break to eat some turkey. ;)

Blogging before Thanksgiving: A Good Sign

Don't get me wrong, I hate my life right now.

Clarification: I hate work right now. And work is my life. Ergo, I hate life.

But I am optomistic that it will get better. And my kids DIDN'T bomb the 9 Weeks Test (from what I could tell from walking around and reading over their shoulders). So, yay?

*Sidebar vent: UGH! J. P. S. ?! The pacing guide does not have us covering division or function tables in the first 9 weeks... but of course, there were 4 division questions (all word problems), and at least one input/output table on the test. DUMB. At least my homeroom babies are geniuses. And we're not even going to discuss the children of the corn right now. And don't think I'm not aware that the fact that I think of them as the children of the corn totally influences our interactions in the classroom.*

So... life/work. I'm revamping management (management, what's that?) and setting up stations to better utilize my awkward and limited instructional time in the afternoons (1:15 - 1:55, and two of my students peace out at 1:30). My homeroom students will visit four stations (writing, social studies, conceptual math, and science) by the end of the week, with tiered math groups on Thursdays. On days that The Doc is in from 1:15 - 1:45, she'll work with my inclusion students and students who need to complete make-up work for reading and language, and I can pull students for remediation of daily objectives based on that day's data (FINALLY assigning Exec. Assistant jobs!) AND to update students on their academic performance. It's going to be chaos for the next couple weeks until we get used to it, but October sucks anyway.

Also, I'm assigning classroom jobs to every student. Like the aforementioned Executive Assistants, I'm going to have Facilities Managers, Materials Distributors/Collectors, Behavior Trackers, Team Leaders, Science Blog Editors, Bathroom/Hand Sanitizer Monitors, Carpet/Overhead-Time Assistants, etc. I've designed a set schedule for each day of the week (down to which days, and at what exact time, I'll use the overhead vs. carpettime for INM, which days we do centers, who's team leader on what days, and which days we'll ACTUALLY HAVE TIME FOR SCIENCE). And I'm getting a large, digital timer so when I say "At 8:25..." it actually means something because my students CAN'T READ ANALOG CLOCKS. I'm supplementing PBIS with a clearer list of classroom rules and procedures ("The Answers to Academic Success!"), and a stricter, clearer, consequence list that is coordinated with my team teacher. Who, by the way, is as AMAZING as everyone says.

I will have a Student of the Week from BOTH CLASSES, which was a huge oversight on my part because I developed the display before I knew we were departmentalized. My 3 students from each class who ACTUALLY FOLLOW our procedures the first time, everytime, are going to be rewarded by putting their names into a raffle for awesome prizes (Make Ms. Dorman Do Tricks & Math Man CDs, anyone?). AND I'm tutoring my two most difficult students (ironically, from my homeroom) every week, so maybe I can make some personal gains there. One of them was my second student of the week, and has completely fallen apart since. *Sad face.* Another student wrote me a note saying that she was acting bad because her mom is in jail and she's upset about it. Life is too much for my kids, too...

AND (taking-on-too-much-at-once, what's that?) I want to have once-a-month Saturday meetings with my Proficient-Advanced students to make sure they're getting the enrichment they deserve, which means on top of Pro-Sat, MAST5, and meeting with students from Mrs. W's and my homerooms, I have very few open Saturdays for the rest of my life. BUT it's awesome, 'cause I'll finally be working as hard as I expected of myself when I joined TFA.

And I will be compensating for that hard work on weekend nights... ;)

IN OTHER NEWS... our parent coordinator had one of the only white girls in the school dress up in a fancy dress for School Lunch Week (the theme was Personalities or something), called her Sarah Palin and had her shout to the cafeteria that, actually, "Alaska is CREATIVE! Alaska is CREATIVE!" :) Also...

ANNA BANANA IS COMING TO MISSISSIPPI!!! I have the best friends in the world.

And with that wild update, I'm going to return to drinking and watching HIMYM with my roomies on a Saturday night.

Because apparently 4 hours of sleep is just too much...

Hello!

I'm blogging!

Lol. I should have just left it at that.


This is how tired I am.

Ah! I forgot how quickly the exhaustion catches up with you! Leaving at 6 a.m. and getting home at 8... and now on top of it I feel guilty 'cause I haven't written 30 minutes a day like my action plan told me to, I've gone to the gym once (though it was an awesome workout), and I'm compromising (& procrastinating) by blogging now. At least I don't have to plan for tomorrow because my plans for today were scrapped when we decided to issue two diagnostic tests in a row (one test usually takes students about an hour). Anyway, about my kiddos...

I. HAVE. THE. BEST. CLASS. IN. THE. ENTIRE. WORLD.

Now, I know we're in the honeymoon period, and I thought all my kids we're great at the beginning of the year last year, but all my kids WERE great last year- they just occasionally punched each other out. But let's get real. My principal knows I'm better with content than management, so I'm the inclusion teacher for 4th grade - meaning, I get an aide (she's more than an aide, she's a rockstar) a few moments a day to have more adults in the room. BUT, my principal also put in a lot of sweet, minor misbehavior students who might just need some extra help in class. Also, my student's parents have been at least receptive, if not necessarily enthusiastic; and again, my kids are the BEST. I am SO IN LOVE with all of them, I can't imagine how my heart will break when they all leave me at the end of the year. At least they'll still be at John Hopkins! For real. I'm going to miss them on weekends. Nights. While they're in music class.

Another thought: I LOVE HAVING A HOMEROOM. I'm almost self-contained at this point, but I think when we actually start rotating classes, the kids and I will appreciate the break from each other. But I still have so much control over what we do in class! My kids already know the steps of the composing process because during morning work we were actually generating writing we were going to display. I have hands-on activities for practicing math that they're excited about and that they can take out to work on when they're done with their tests, and...

*this is where I passed out last night*

Aaaand I'm back! Right, hands-on activities for math. I gotsta go plan some of those now, seeing as lesson plans are due tomorrow.

Key Takeaways: 1) I'm going to try to go to bed before midnight and wake up after 4:30. 2) My kids are awesome.

Sorry for the frazzledness, but this is what you get when I blog while teaching - the alternative is no blogging at all! Gasp!

Wait. I have a blog?

Welcome to 2010.


Yes, it's July, but I figure a welcome is still in order seeing as this is the first time I've blogged since... oh, that's right. November.


I can't possibly give a recount of the past seven months.


I can only tell you I've changed entirely- as a teacher and as a person. I've had to come to terms with the darker fragments of my identity. I've gotten to know the me who is quick to anger. The me who accepts blatant injustices and abuses of power. The me who, after a long day, might choose a lazy drink with some friends over preparing myself the best I can for class the next day. I've encountered the me who sincerely wishes that I didn't have to deal with the issues that arrise in class because I'm white and all of my students are black. And I'm devastatingly familiar with the me who chooses to ignore those issues for the sake of teaching the next day's objective.


But I am more confident in my ability to contribute than I've been all my life. I'm fiercely loyal. I'm quick to learn. I can exercise "tough love" if I must. No more soft-spoken indirectness - an eleven-year-old's tears WILL NOT stop me from communicating that I think she's brilliant, that I expect better, and that she deserves better. I am blessed with the ability to see and bask in the positive qualities of my environment. I've formed relationships with people who are better people than me, better teachers than me, better caregivers than me, and who, for no better reason than love for the students, are willing to help me become better, too.


I feel incredibly similar to the way I did at this time last year. Stressed: because it's a month before school starts and I'm already behind. Thrilled: to control EVERY hour of EVERY day with my students. Terrified: to be responsible for EVERY hour of EVERY day with my students.

There's just one difference: I've already done it.

Typical

Wow. Where to begin?

October is supposed to be the hardest month for a first year teacher (besides coming back from winter break, maybe). So it came as no surprise that I dropped blogging to concentrate all my efforts on just staying afloat. BUT, I still felt like I was doing a good job staying positive and being patient with the fact that I will, undoubtedly, still suck as a teacher for a while. During this time, I took my first sick day, took multiple weekend-long trips across the Delta, and planned a bitchin' Halloween party.

It took me 4 weeks to realize that I had been in a real, unhealthy, and totally typical slump.

On weekdays I would come home, grab my Subway/Taco Bell/Lean Cuisine dinner, lay on my bed and veg out to an hour or so of mindless TV, fall asleep, wake up and do some school work - IN BED - and then crash again at 9:00. After I got sick in the middle of the month, I just stopped going to the gym, then dance, then yoga class, despite eating more Halloween Candy than the average trick-or-treater. I'd return from school and disappear into my little wing of the house.

For some reason, this Thursday brought with it a lot of clarity.

1) I have been having trouble prioritizing what my students need to learn. I felt absurdly compelled to teach them EVERYTHING that they would possibly be tested on. After being grilled for it by my roommates, my PD, and other friends, I still could not bring myself to the Learning Goal Cutting Board. ON THURSDAY, I realized that the reason I felt I couldn't 'deprive' my students of any piece of possibly relevant information is because I've always felt limited by MY education. As soon as I realized my planning revolved around MY feelings toward MY education, I had no problem trimming my plans for certain objectives so my students are better able to see what's important information and what's not.

2) I've felt suffocated by time constraints. I've been teaching massive objectives in one or two half-hour sessions. Because of this, I've been making excuses for not doing centers, or not differentiating my lessons/activities for different learning styles or levels, or not going back and reviewing objectives that students still need to master, all because I feel like I'm continuously introducing new material. What I realized this week is that if I AM limited by time, then all of that needs to happen RIGHT NOW, and take a greater percentage of my time than it would in a self-contained class, or in class periods that are upwards of 45 min.

...

*** Hahahahaha - this is the part where I fell asleep THREE DAYS AGO, so I'm going to continue on a new post.***

There Will Be Stories.

It is so encouraging to wake up three weeks in and still feel like I have the best job in the world.

Though, Sunday nights are still very difficult for some reason. I go to sleep (or try to) and find myself anxious, sick, and depressed. Then I wake up Monday morning and can’t wait to get to school and spend time with my kids. I don’t know why, but something tells me I should just get used to this. Maybe it’s the upcoming nine weeks without any breaks…

My feelings toward TFA change daily. Today, my mood is: displeased. After the 12 hours we spent away from Jackson due to the “South” Delta Pro-Sat in CLEVELAND on Saturday, I spent several hours on Sunday reformatting “Tools” I had already created to fit TFA’s preferred template in order to turn it all in, oh, about a month after having these tools in this format would actually be useful. And, as I’ve been teaching science for a total of 6 DAYS, and most of the Delta has been in school for well over a month, much of the Pro-Sat information (like last time) was geared for people weeks ahead of me in terms of data and familiarity with their students. Most of my weekend was dedicated to what I felt was arbitrary training-for-training’s sake rather than actual work that I could have been doing for my students and my classroom. On the other hand, the Middle School Science Learning Team has been helpful both weeks regardless of my belated state and has made me feel a little bit less like I’m trying to crawl onto a treadmill while someone else is pushing the “Increase Speed” button.


Highlights of the week:

- Professional development day: My staff had an impromptu jam session by turning our acrostic poems about READING into incredible songs and chants during our PD last week, AND we Tootie Tah’d together- without any students present!

- BEST MOMENT YET: So, a few of my favorites (whatever, it happens) seem to have been behavior problems in the past; they sit in isolation at lunch, teachers seem to get on them a little bit quicker than other students for minor misbehaviors, you won’t see them as teachers’ helpers or on Student-of-the-Week lists, etc. But for whatever reason, (maybe they recognize a new teacher and new classroom as a fresh start), they are an absolute joy in my class. One student in particular, let’s call him Big D (if you saw him you’d understand), even started bringing his glasses to class this week so he could see the board. Well, my all-boys group from the inclusion class had, per usual, gained control of my classroom as I was trying to model how to measure things. (And yes, my 5th graders need to learn how to use a ruler, scale, and thermometer. Especially before doing a lab that uses all three.) Anyway, he sat quietly all day taking down notes, took home my sample copy of our foldable to make sure he had all the information to study off of, and asked if he and his friend (who is also incredibly well-behaved during my Chaos Class) could stay after school to work. Then at the end of class, he tapped me on the shoulder, looked DOWN at my face, and asked me: “Was I good today?” We can’t let students stay late or request they come early without their parents’ permission, but I took down his home phone and told him I’d tell his parents how wonderful he was all day. He was beaming as he gave me his home number, and then asked, “Do you want my dad’s cell phone, too?”
*** On a less warm ‘n fuzzy note, Big D’s Dad said three words to me: “Ok. Thanks. Bye.”***

- TIED FOR BEST MOMENT: In my worst class of the day today (usually they’re great) I was shouting my lesson over the students because they wouldn’t stop talking. I was just about to repeat the boiling point of water for the umpteenth time WHEN --- my principal walked in. She asked the students, “What are we learning today?” In my head, I say to myself, “Oh God. NOTHING. Nothing at all.” The kids all responded: “Physical changes!” (WHAT?! They heard me?!) Then the principal said: “What else?” Again. I thought NOTHING. NOTHING else. The kids shout out: “We’re learning to use thermometers!”, “And a balance to measure mass!”, “We’re looking at shapes!”, and one girl even shouted out, “We’re learning to become science masters!” I couldn’t help but congratulate them after… let’s just hope it sticks!

- I went on my first Field Trip as a teacher. During the field trip I learned:
o ALL KIDS, I repeat, ALL KIDS love Miley Cirus and High School Musical. I’m still not sure if I find this hilarious or scary.
o Field trips are EXHAUSTING. No matter how ‘easy’.
o The schools in Jackson, like many parts of the city, are black, or they are white. Maybe one or two truly mixed schools. It’s not surprising, but shocking when you see it right in front of you in the faces of 500 elementary students sitting in huge sections of dark or light skin. And in Jackson, it’s pretty easy to see how closely race is associated with geography (again, not surprising, but still jarring to be confronted with). If you’re from North or East Jackson, you’re probably white. If you’re from South or West Jackson, you’re probably black. It’s not something lost on native Jacksonians, either. After I told my yogilates teacher where I worked (& she seems to be generally open-minded individual) she stopped, looked at me, and said, “You’re in West Jackson?" [Pause] "Bless you, honey,” while shaking her head.


So, there are some of thoughts. I can barely stay awake when I get home anymore. I even skipped the gym today because: A) I just couldn’t do it. B) I have too many things to do/fill out/plan for.

Tomorrow, we have a lab about chemical changes involving baking soda, vinegar, and actual DANGEROUS CHEMICALS. Matty B is coming to observe.

I WILL have stories. :)

The Mother of All Blog Posts

I have the best job in the world.

My students are incredible. They love to talk, but it’s mostly because they’re curious – about EVERYTHING. If, or rather, WHEN, I can harness that curiosity and direct it toward science and methods of inquiry (let’s be honest, that’s not always, or ever, an easy task), we will have a lot of success this year in lab. They’re all excited about exactly the same units I am: we’ll dabble in cosmology when we “investigate the Earth as part of the solar system”, we’ll build Rube Goldberg Machines when we “design and construct simple and compound machines” at the end of the year, and since several students have already made this request, we’ll maybe dissect a frog when we discuss tissues, organs, and organ systems (hmm… “Scalpel, please, and a paper bag”).

At this point, my only worry is time. The schedule right now is a crazy sprint of eight sections, 30 minutes each, without any breaks until I take the last class to lunch before lab. Depending upon whether the students are being sent to me or I am picking them up, we could be running 5-10 minutes late at the beginning of class. I give them “five” (usually seven) minutes on a Do Now Activity (assessment/review of lesson from the previous day), spend about 10 minutes catching up on content (two of the four 5th grade classes haven’t talked about science at all this year), leaving 5-10 minutes for them to create a graphic organizer relevant to THAT day’s objective or, on Mondays and Thursdays, a Word Wall game to review vocabulary words they’ve never actually learned. Remember this is supposed to be a science LAB. Do you see a lab in there? Because I don’t.

We MIGHT switch to an A/B format (not likely) so I am seeing four of eight sections every other day (Monday-Thursday) for 45 minutes – which is better for lab time, but reduces the amount of time per week we spend on Science to an hour and a half. That means I’d have about 30 hours total to help them master 27 learning goals before March 3. Oi Vay!

That said, I recognize that I am blessed to be here. For one, my classroom is beautiful (though I did work my butt off for it to become so). Second, I have a principal and assistant principal who have established a positive and motivating school culture and hold teachers accountable while remaining pretty hands-off in the classroom. Though I understand this is more convenient for me than for self-contained teachers who already have quite a bit on their plate without extra administrative work, like scheduling, that may slip through the cracks with the focus of the administration elsewhere. But because of the positive culture in the school (for the most part – we’ll get there in a second), a big part of my job is already done for me. The kids know that college opens doors to any occupation they choose, and they know that going to school now is a necessary step in order to go to college in the future. I don’t have to drill that information into them. They believe in education. They believe in themselves. I just have to convince them to put that belief into practice.

I’m not saying everything is perfect, either. This morning I saw a morbidly obese student, probably in Kindergarten or 1st Grade, get paddled by her mother just outside the doors of the school. I was literally frozen in shock. Part of you feels like you are intruding on something you are not supposed to be seeing and wants to slink away and hide, while part of you wants to run screaming, tackle mom, and yell at her for not only hitting her very young child with a plank of wood (and letting her other daughter laugh at the girl afterwards) but also for letting the girl gain weight to a point that is dangerous even for a six year old! Phew. Ok. Suspending judgment, Alex, suspending judgment.

Then, my Assistant Principal requested that I watch the kids in the ISS room while the woman who normally works with them ran to get them breakfast (the free breakfast line was so backed up this morning kids were 10, 15, 20 minutes late to class). I obviously said yes, though I was convinced it was a test, and walked into the room. There were maybe 4 or 5 kids in a room the size of a two and half racquetball courts. It still felt like the room was spinning - it was abuzz with ADHD. All the kids were seated where they were supposed to be, but the new person in the room definitely had them excited. First, it was, “Are we gonna do science today, Miss?” Then, “Are we gonna dissect frogs?” I’m used to that question, now, so I say: “I’m thinking about it… but I’m not making any promises.” “AWESOME! We’re gonna dissect frogs!” Then, the only girl in the room (who has escaped into my classroom several times since) decided that she was going to faint and leaped over the back of her chair onto the ground. I told her to get back in her seat immediately and went over to stand right next to her so she had nowhere to leap. I started asking her questions, which seemed to keep her mind occupied while her body was forced to sit still. I asked her if she liked science. Yes. What do you like about science? I like cutting things open. … OK. (Oh, and don’t get me started on my 5th grader who started explaining how to make crack while standing in the lunch line and is currently working on a movie called “Scooby Jew”…)

Anyway, while I was in the ISS room, I finally found my Principal about 5 minutes before I was supposed to get off morning duty and start doing whatever my real job is. I asked her about my schedule for interventions on Fridays. I started to get a blank stare (which isn’t really a blank stare, it’s more of a thinking stare that is clearly expecting you say more), so I offered to create the schedule myself. My principal said, “Thank you so much, that would be really helpful!” and walked away. (Don’t get me wrong, my principal’s leadership style suits me perfectly, but that is exactly what she did.) I didn’t know for what subjects or grade levels I was to intervene, but I started making schedules for several different scenarios. When I went to ask my Team Leader what time of day would work best to pull her students out for math, she said to me, “Well, I don’t know! I’m a teacher, not an administrator! I’m not supposed to be doing schedules!” and continued venting for a few minutes after unnecessarily explaining that her frustration wasn’t actually directed at me. Eventually, I figured out that I am to pull only 5th graders who need math intervention work for half an hour at a time, and finally created a schedule that, as far as I know, works for everyone. But at that point, I was still looking at only half a day’s work on Fridays. Probably not ok if I’m getting paid full-time.

Then, at about 11:00, the woman I covered for in the ISS room knocked on my door and told me the kids from her room (I’ve had to stop myself saying “the ISS kids”) wanted to do an activity. PANIC ATTACK. An activity? RIGHT now? Turns out NOT right then, thank goodness, even though I offered to. Rather, at least two Fridays a month, I’ll be doing a science-related activity with the students from the ISS room – one that we can put on display in the hall. Any ideas??? Besides foldables, por favor. At least I have a couple more Friday afternoons taken up each month. Also, the girl who can leap over the backs of chairs from a sitting position is apparently going to come to visit me during her resource time. The woman I covered for literally said: “She likes you… I don’t know why. Probably because you’re young and attractive”.

In other news, at 2:00 p.m. my school gave me free nachos. I love my school.

And in case you were curious, if you type Obi Wan Kenobi into Microsoft Word (2007), it doesn’t tell you that you spelled anything wrong. If you type Quantarrius, Montaza, or Barack Obama, Spell Check yells at you. PCs are geeky racists. I’m getting a Mac.

Lastly, HAPPY BIRTHDAY, ROB!!!!

Hm. Cheerleading Started at the U.

One thing that I've come to appreciate about the TFA experience is that I will walk out with the patience of a saint.

Friday, we were finally fingerprinted. Still no Letters of Hire, but hopefully by the end of this week, I will have 90 kids to play science with (THREE weeks into the school year).

Friday itself was apparently a test to see how we would fare in the bureaucracy of an urban school district. I felt like we were a group of little white mice searching for the cheese at the end of a maze. We traveled to three different buildings (not counting the post office to get the money orders we weren't told we needed) - one to check in, one to fill out paperwork, and then to the basement of an old junior high school where a very intense and frustrated woman scanned our fingerprints all the while insisting that, "I'm just here for the kids. I would not be here if it weren't for the kids." I felt like I was being ushered around by members of a Vogon construction fleet. *

Things seem to be slowly falling into place (as always). My classroom is looking more and more like an elementary classroom, and I seem to have a pretty good rapport with my soon-to-be coworkers despite having very little understanding of what my role actually is. Hm, speaking of classrooms... Here are some "Between" pictures of my classroom (after the Befores and before the Afters).

I've had a few students come and chat with me in the mornings (many simply want to "come help" to get out of class). But I can't help but fabricate chores for them because they are such a joy to spend time with! The pictures above were taken after I had two students role up balls of tape and pick up all of the small scraps of paper on the floor - they loved it! "Floor Cleaner" is definitely going to be one of my classroom jobs.

Planning is finally fun now because it doesn't all seem like just a big tease anymore. My days are going to be long and exhausting and I can't wait. A big emphasis in my classroom is going to be SAVING TIME. Since I only have a half an hour with these kids, four days a week, EVERY MOMENT counts. I'm pullin' out the stopwatch and making it clear from the first day that they DO NOT have the time to waste. Mississippi tests Science in the 5th grade, so we're supposed to cover EVERY objective before the test on March 3 with an emphasis on Inquiry. The Inquiry part is my job. I'll be starting at least three weeks behind. AH! Anyway, the class that saves the most time gets to listen to the radio the last 5-10 minutes on Thursday - WHILE playing games with the Word Wall and/or completing the lab for an entire competency in one day.

In other news, our PD has gone above and beyond for us. He has been to our house at least 4 days in the past week, either just hanging out and offering moral support, or suggesting solutions to our problems. I feel so blessed to have received the support that we have (our ICE Leader is great, too), and I am confident that I'll have at least one person who will celebrate my successes when I can't help but focus on my failures.

Also, I danced last night. I put on my pointe shoes from our last performance of "Giselle", and danced in the ballroom of my house. I can never have furniture in that room. It was wonderful.

One day... I'll have enough money to take dance classes. Or buy groceries. Or pay rent.

*Just a little Douglas Adams humor for ya, there. TFAers are a well-read people, just lacking in the sci-fi/fantasy genre - I shall strive to change that.

Honey, I'm Home!

Alright, so I have an entirely inadequate update for y'all.


#1: "Before" pictures from my classroom. (I don't have "After" pictures because, well, my room's not done. I'll have "Middle" Pictures tomorrow or so.)

I spent two days reorganizing and clearing out boxes, and all day today scrubbing lab equipment and rubbermaids out using Clorox and dish soap. At least I'm getting a workout! (In professional clothes...)

The Scorpion-Spider Thing of Death was really just the biggest spider I've ever seen indoors, and it looked like it was related to a scorpion, because it wall all pointy and angular. When I saw it, I went through the whole process of deciding whether or not I was going to freak out, and then decided I shouldn't because the custodian was in the room helpin' me out. But I wasn't going to leave it there and keep it as a pet. So, I casually walked over to the custodian (Mr. White) and asked, "So, is it normal for spiders to be that big down here?" He looked at it and said, "I'll go kill it for you". In my defense, though, he did have to go get a broom to do it, because a shoe would not have been big enough. In related news, I've named the three dead cockroaches in the back of my room Moe, Curly, and Larry, and the two dead crickets Antony and Cleopatra. I was thinking about naming the spider Arthur or Artemis during my internal freak-out session, but decided I shouldn't get too attached since I wanted it dead or just very far away from me.


#2: Even if I don't technically have a job yet (still waiting on contracts), I have a bitchin' house to live in!!!!

Northpointe. My dream house. And even though I drew the one and only short straw for bedrooms, my bedroom is still actually pretty nice. (The only problem is that my bedroom IS the hallway to get to the upstairs living room; I'll get over it - the only time it'll be tricky is when we have friends over.) My closet has a light in it, I have a bookshelf on either side of my doorway, and my walls are a neat orange color. Plus, I basically have unimpeded access to: the upstairs living room (we call it the Wood Room because it has wood floors - we'll think of something better) which will have a bar and mini fridge, the dance/yoga studio where Lyndsey and I are going to do the Slim-in-Six workout, my own bathroom (according to me), AND the Small Room, which is where I was actually supposed to sleep, but refused, on account of my claustrophia. ;)

Ok, I really have to sleep because I have SO MUCH to do tomorrow, but I have to share one more thing first. My house not only has a rockin' 70s intercom system, but you can turn on the radio in the kitchen, and it will play in every room in the house. I almost cried when we realized this. And don't get me started about Lyndsey's master bathroom with jacuzzi tub. We're going to have a good time in this house.

Yay! I have delightful roommates and I'M NOT HOMELESS ANYMORE!!!

And so I drew a new face and I laughed...

That's my favorite line from "I'm Yours".

For some reason, that image of him fogging up the glass and drawing a new face seems so profound. I feel like that's what I've been doing during my whole experience with TFA. Nothing has turned out as expected; with each new twist of fate I've had to change the way I look at myself and then laugh at the uncertainty of it all.

After my TFA interview, I prepared myself for a No-how-dare-you!, and hoped to the bottom of my soul for a Yes. The applicants with whom I interviewed were extraordinary people: bright, outspoken, and accomplished (friend Tom being one of them...). I felt there was no way I could compare. Then, the day I was to find out whether I was in or out, the day I was to receive a clear yes or no, I was waitlisted. Over a month later, I was waitlisted again. And again. For seven months. AFTER deciding that TFA was the only thing I wanted to do after graduation.

Then, out of nowhere, I was placed teaching Elementary School in the Mississippi Delta.

I had pictured myself teaching Secondary English in an inner-city school. But I changed the way I looked at my placement and realized teaching elementary in a rural area was a position in which I could really have an impact. I'm used to the lack of anonymity that comes with living in a small town; I'd lived with a never-ending audience before and I could do it again. I could work the part of my personality that's all sweetness, discretion, and compromise like I did for 13 years and navigate my way through differences of opinion by living and breathing patience and tolerance. It might be hard, but I could do it, and do it well. I could, in one small way, understand where my students were coming from and help them learn from it and appreciate it.

Then I didn't get a job. Or have a place to live. I went home wondering what it was about me that made TFA so frequently hesitant to give me a job. Close friends had been placed all across the Delta, and I couldn't picture myself anywhere.

And then I was placed in Jackson. (What!?)

And then I got my dream job. At a school with great administrators, staff, and faculty. In a classroom with science equipment galore and enough room for a science library and a word wall.

Which brings me to my [clearly] somber mood. Tomorrow, the program the Jackson corps is a part of is going before the board. TFA says it's no problem. Several people from JPS say that the board seems to be vetoing everything these days. The house, the job, but mostly the people I've come to care so much about seem as close to being ripped from my fingers as they are to becoming a real part of my life.

So, again, I'm preparing to draw myself a new face and laugh. My life's not over if we're not placed here. I'd be so happy to have the opportunity to become acquainted with the real Delta. And if the Delta doesn't want to get to know me, I'll stay and substitute teach/dance/waitress in Jackson - like I would've in Minneapolis had I not started on this grand adventure in the first place.

One thing that this constant reinvention has led me to appreciate is that this is my life - right now. Neither my existence nor my happiness is dependent on what I'm getting paid to do. Rather, both depend on all the things I would probably be doing anyway - working with kids, teaching, dancing, and meeting new people. And that's such a redeeming thought when I start to feel that one of the most challenging and wonderful summers of my life could possibly have been in vain.

So, please pardon my morose self indulgence. Tomorrow or Wednesday, I will share pictures and thoughts from my first days at John Hopkins Elementary - as well as the Tale of the Scorpion-Spider Thing of Death. ;)

And by then, *hopefully*, I'll really be Ms. Dorman.



"There's no dollar sign on a peace of mind, the South come to know..."

Of Travel I've Had My Share, Man

So, looking at the lyrics, maybe I haven't quite caught up to Johnny Cash but I sure am gonna give him a run for his money after the next two or three years. Fargo? Check. Minnesota? Check. Tennessee? Louisiana? Vicksburg? Check, check, and check. And that was before my own personal Odyssey across the Delta.

When my Dad and Brother first dropped me and my pile of crap off at a location 1,119 miles away from home, I didn't have a place to sleep. Now, I know I won't ever have that problem again. As long as there's enough gas in the car to drive an hour's worth in the Delta, there is a floor/couch/air mattress to sleep on and someone gracious enough to offer it to you. I spent time in Lexington in a guest house owned by millionaires (and rented by some lovely fellow CMs!), met a dog named Jack who steals shoes in Greenwood (well, really Philipp), drove down Money Road, got lost in Yazoo City, and ate the best salad I've ever tasted in Indianola. And who can forget the myriad car washes of Helena/West Helena, the suggestive old man at the Clarendon gas station ("Be careful, you're a pretty girl"), and Mack's, America's Premier Waterfowl Outfitter in Stuttgart? If you watch "O Brother, Where Art Thou?", you'll know what the past few weeks have been like on my end. (Literally: Yazoo, Greenwood, and Itta Bena all make appearances.)

Anyway, we now have all the Jackson crew staying with us at the hotel and it's been a total pleasure to get to know everyone. At first I got the impression that we were all very similar: we shared the same feelings about our tentative placements, we were all relatively relaxed individuals but still up-for-a-good-time, and, as I've mentioned before with TFA, peculiarly kind, smart, and motivated folk that tend to fall into very geeky conversations. Now, we're starting to discover the idiosyncracies that will turn us into a full-fledged teaching family. We have the planners, the rebels, the partiers, the athletes, the artists - all sharing 5 hotel rooms for a span of 16 days. I'm grateful for the opportunity to get to know everybody (and the city of Jackson) before we start working - I think it's going to make the transition a lot easier on all of us.

The city of Jackson is actually a happenin' place to be. If you ignore the obnoxious frontage roads along I-55, you'll discover a small but thriving arts community in the young/hip area of Fondren, be able to look at the beautiful little houses in Belhaven (including The Eudora Welty House!), and experience the small-town-in-the-"big"-city feel of Jackson's Downtown. There are incredible antique stores and consignment shops, and the food is always delicious no matter where you go. At least I'll have a plethora of choices when I take visitors out to eat! (And did I mention the International Ballet Festival???) I think I'm going to enjoy my stay here, and I am excited to see all that the city has to offer!

Oops... sorry for the digression from "travels". It was bound to happen.

In other news, a fellow CM, Lyndsey, and I have been developing some extreme strategies to ensure our Dream House stays an option for us to live in. I'll let you know if we were successful...

Also, I used "y'all" today in regular conversation.

Anyway...

"I've been everywhere, man..."

Making Lemonade

So, during this time of unemployment/paid vacation, we are determined to set our housing plan (plus several contingency plans), so all we have to do is press "Go" once we sign our contracts with JPS. Here are some of the places we've been looking at:

The Jackson "Dream House" --- Which, believe it or not, is becoming the Dream House for fewer of us each day. 5 bedroom, pool/hot tub, yoga/dance studio. I think we are somewhat intimidated by the amount of furnishing that needs to take place. Still my #1. The (carpeted?)dance/yoga studio might have something to do with it... :

http://www.rentjackson.com/houses_for_rent/1034_Northpointe/index.html

Whitworth 1 --- We put in an application for this one; a few really love this place, but we're not getting our hopes up at the risk of jinxing it:

http://www.qualityhomesms.com/show_listing_details.php?prop_id=10150

Whitworth 2 --- Literally a couple houses down and across the street. Someone else put in an application for this place already; I was a fan of the natural light and built-in bookshelves in one room, but again, less likely at this point:

http://www.qualityhomesms.com/show_listing_details.php?prop_id=10476

House by Fenian's Irish Pub:

Also a couple blocks away in Belhaven and near Fenian's Irish Pub - soon to be the TFA Jackson Hangout. No matter where we live. Heard about this house from... the bartender at Fenian's Irish Pub. Looks nice, haven't toured inside yet, though we creeped around the outside and looked in the windows. A VERY close #2 after Northpointe for me. Its being near an Irish Pub might have something to do with that...

There's also a couple houses on State St. in the Fondren neighborhood (Jackson's equivalent of Mnpls.' Uptown) which few of us were fond of, but in a great location for socializing and shopping with people who are out of college but not yet old.

Well, that's it for housing, but I'll post another update soon. (Possibly once we get to see the inside of the Fenian's Pub House...)

Wish us luck! We're gonna need it to keep these awesome houses available for two more weeks!

Welcome to TFA Jackson!

Ten of us will be the first TFA Corps Members in Jackson Public Schools!

This is where I will share thoughts on living in the South, teaching, and the sweet little city of Jackson.

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Food for thought...

"A child born to a Black mother in a state like Mississippi... has exactly the same rights as a white baby born to the wealthiest person in the United States. It's not true, but I challenge anyone to say it is not a goal worth working for."

- Thurgood Marshall